The Old and the New

Another year of my college education has come and gone. I am no longer a sophomore. I am half way through my college education, and it seems as if I just started. I can still feel the excitement, the fear, the worry, the anticipation, and the absolute joy I felt the moment I got in my car and drove towards my college: towards my future. It hasn’t been the way I imagined it would be. It has been so much more! I have had moments when I thought I would never get out of a class alive. There have been moments that tested my patience and my faith in myself. There have been moments when I wanted to run away screaming and never come back. But mostly, there have been moments when I have felt bliss. I have felt pride. I have felt blessed.

As I packed my things and left my dorm room, I couldn’t help but feel a momentary sense of fear. I couldn’t help but feel as if I was leaving a part of me behind. And in all honesty, I was leaving a part of me behind, in the same exact way I left a part of me behind during my first year of college. This time, I was leaving back the little girl inside of me that has always been afraid of changes. As a transfer sophomore student, I learned the importance of confidence. I learned the importance of stepping up to the challenge even when you are trembling with fear. I learned how to speak up for myself and the ones that don’t have a voice. I learned how to say “no.” Believe me, "no" is such a loaded word for a young woman who has always said “yes.” Yet, I saw that life is much more than just saying “yes” or "no." Life is about looking at your choices and your opportunities, and deciding what is good by your own standards: not by someone else’s. My sophomore year has taught me so much. I have had to make choices that I never thought I would make. I have had to look Fear in the eyes and say “Try me.” I have had to look people who doubted me in the eyes and say “Watch me.” To sum it all up, I have had to grow up and have faith in myself. I cannot say that I am not scared anymore. That would be a huge lie. I am scared about things. I am scared about my soldier leaving...I am scared about re-adjusting to an every day life that won't include his sweet texts and our daily phone calls. I am scared out of mind about everything that's to come. But, this school year has taught me a few lessons. It has taught me how to be strong. It has taught me how to have faith in my God and in myself. It has taught me the importance of love. And it has taught me how to love. I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams -both in my personal life and in school. And I wouldn't change a thing.

My summer break has started, and I am returning to my old routines. I have already started working at the restaurant I worked at all through high school. I have already started seeing my friends and spending time with my family. Even though all these things are old, I am also experiencing new things. I am experiencing the excitement and nervousness that comes with getting prepared for a trip that is going to change my life. This summer I am going to be a student at The Washington Center. I will get to take classes and intern at the nation’s capital. I cannot even begin to describe all the feelings that are surging through me. Anticipation. Excitement. Fear. Uncertainty. Hope. All these feelings have taken up permanent residence in my heart, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am ready to see what my future holds as my check-in day is getting closer and closer. I have two more weeks. Two more weeks of “the old,” before I face “the new.” I have two more weeks before I am on my way. And I could not be more ecstatic. Yet, I also have a few more days before he is on his way. A little while longer before he leaves and takes my heart with him...for now, I am going to hold on to the hope his love gives me. I am going to hold on to the hope God's love gives me as well. I am going to hold on to the fact that we have decided to share our walks in Christ; we have decided to walk alongside each other while holding His hand. I am going to hold on to hope and love. As my sophomore year of college is taking its place in my past and in my memories, my summer is just beginning. Here’s to the old and the new: here’s to life, love, and hope.

"'Cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror, and I can't help but notice that you reflect in this heart of mine. If you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find, just know that I'm always parallel on the other side..." -Mirrors by Justin Timberlake-